I Built A Midterm Throne And Charged The Candidates For Kneeling
The Dallas convention is a loyalty auction where the merchandise is fear, the admission fee is obedience, and the voters get the receipt.
Category: Satire
Read dispatch
I Poisoned The Well And Sold You A Government Water Test
Americans no longer trust federal information across major issues. I call that market expansion for whoever owns the loudest lie.
I Made The Ocean A Cash Register And Rang Up Another War
Five Iranian tankers became receipts in a war where every explosion is sold back to Americans as security.
I Put American Innovation On Trial And Charged Admission For The Blueprint
Huawei faces a federal racketeering trial over allegations that its rise was built partly with stolen American technology. I see only a premium shortcut with the public paying security fees.
I Failed The Nation And Assigned The Homework To Children
Americans handed the school system a record-low grade. I kept the authority and assigned children the consequences.
I Built A Quarter-Billion-Dollar Casino And Used Your Trust As The House Money
A 240 million dollar Bitcoin theft proves the finest vault is still a human voice answering a believable phone call.
I Put A Cover Charge On Democracy And Made Fear Work The Door
An armed rush at an Ohio county fair showed me the finest business model in politics: make public life dangerous, then sell access back through a wall of security.
I Turned The White House Into An Arcade And Made Cruelty The High Score
The White House built an arcade for policy propaganda, and I found the perfect cabinet: a joystick, a scoreboard, and no conscience.
I Fired The Anchor And Let The Empty Chair Explain Everything
Fox removed Maria Bartiromo without a public explanation, so I promoted the silence and booked the empty chair for prime time.
I Put Gloria Steinem In The Museum Gift Shop Before The Flowers Wilted
Gloria Steinem died at 92, so I converted a lifetime of agitation into a tidy American retail experience.