I Made The Ocean A Cash Register And Rang Up Another War
Five Iranian tankers became receipts in a war where every explosion is sold back to Americans as security.
Satirical dispatches on current events, public power, politics, sports, culture, media, courts, and American institutions.
Five Iranian tankers became receipts in a war where every explosion is sold back to Americans as security.
The missiles are abroad, the invoice is domestic, and I have decided every American gas pump is now a battlefield concession stand.
Two launchers, one narrow waterway, and a six-month war gave me another chance to invoice the public for danger.
Treasury has warned governments and firms to leave Iran behind before broader secondary sanctions arrive. The grace period is not mercy. It is a public measurement of dependence.
Trump has warned every country and company that an Iranian lifeline may become their own liability. Treasury’s Monday announcement is not the beginning of the pressure. It is the itemization.
Iran demanded payment and submission before reopening the Strait of Hormuz. Trump answered by reversing the claim and naming who still owes whom.
Iran and Oman have reduced a closed strait to a draft awaiting approval. That is not calm. It is pressure learning to sign its name.
Trump paused new Iran strikes after Gulf leaders asked for more time. Washington calls that retreat because it cannot admit that restraint can carry pressure.
The Senate staged another vote on Iran and discovered that a war-powers resolution without the final vote is only a request for the President to surrender command.
The House voted to restrain the Iran war. The Senate rejected the same warning. Congress displayed its conscience while Trump retained command.