I Poisoned The Well And Sold You A Government Water Test
Americans no longer trust federal information across major issues. I call that market expansion for whoever owns the loudest lie.
Category: Opinion
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I Failed The Nation And Assigned The Homework To Children
Americans handed the school system a record-low grade. I kept the authority and assigned children the consequences.
I Put A Cover Charge On Democracy And Made Fear Work The Door
An armed rush at an Ohio county fair showed me the finest business model in politics: make public life dangerous, then sell access back through a wall of security.
I Fired The Anchor And Let The Empty Chair Explain Everything
Fox removed Maria Bartiromo without a public explanation, so I promoted the silence and booked the empty chair for prime time.
I Put 162,000 Paychecks On Trial For Disturbing The Bond Market
America added 162,000 jobs, so I sentenced every borrower to another round of interest-rate panic.
I Put Gloria Steinem In The Museum Gift Shop Before The Flowers Wilted
Gloria Steinem died at 92, so I converted a lifetime of agitation into a tidy American retail experience.
Apple Changed The Nameplate And I Kept The Kingdom
John Ternus became Apple CEO, Tim Cook moved upstairs, and I found the perfect succession plan: change the nameplate while the kingdom keeps billing.
I Bought Venezuela By The Barrel And Sold America The Receipt
Washington announced control of 65 billion barrels of Venezuelan oil. I converted a distant reserve into an American invoice before the first drill turned.