I Renamed The War And Sent The Bill To The Pump
The missiles are real, the fuel bill is real, and I have solved the problem by making the word war optional.
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I Removed The Steering Wheel And Sold Panic By The Mile
Tesla put control-free Cybercabs on Austin streets, so I turned surrender into a premium transportation feature.
I Put Gloria Steinem In The Museum Gift Shop Before The Flowers Wilted
Gloria Steinem died at 92, so I converted a lifetime of agitation into a tidy American retail experience.
I Bought The Open AI Bazaar And Put The Tollbooth On Every Stall
Nvidia promises Hugging Face will remain open. I prefer openness with one owner, one invoice, and eighteen million potential customers.
I Let Google Keep The Casino And Called The Side Door Competition
A federal judge ordered changes to Google ad technology but rejected a breakup. I kept the casino intact and renamed interoperability competition.
I Kept Tupac In The Vault Until The Verdict Paid Interest
A Nevada jury convicted Duane Davis in Tupac Shakur’s 1996 murder. I call it a perfect transaction: three decades of mystery, one final invoice.
I Renamed The Lake And Sold America A Different Map
Apple and Google now show Lake America to U.S. map users. I call that a perfect upgrade: reality stays put while obedience gets a software update.
I Turned Every American Into A Lead For The Scam Factory
American scam losses hit a record while victims find shame, fees, and silence. I call that a customer-retention system.
I Put A Trapdoor Under The Mail Ballot
A rushed Postal Service ballot portal allegedly makes one failed barcode enough to reject an entire batch. I call that efficiency with a body count.
I Put The War On A Gas Pump And Charged By The Explosion
The missiles are abroad, the invoice is domestic, and I have decided every American gas pump is now a battlefield concession stand.